I Think I Found something....

There have been several things that have gone on in my life in the past few weeks that have been an eye opener. If you are unaware, I am at school to become a teacher. I have a passion to share the knowledge I know with others to better them. But I like to teach more than just the sweet facts about history (since I am going to teach social studies), people fascinate me, especially our minds. As I have learned over time there are a lot of girls on my floor that feel really comfortable talking to me and opening up, which I LOVE. And to me one of the most interesting things is the mind of a teenage girl. I recently read the book Body Wars by Dr. Margo Maine and it is an amazing book. Being a girl we analyze everything CONSTANTLY. Because of the society we live in we are always judging and saying if only I had this or wasn't this. But the kicker is that we think we are the only ones who think this way. I know this is how I felt for quite sometime. When I read this book i realized why i was thinking this way and why I don't need to be thinking this way at all. God has made me in the image of himself, he made me just the way I am and I am glad he did, otherwise I wouldn't be me. But a lot of girls do not have this confidence that I do. However, they see it in me. There are seriously so many girls suffering thinking that if they looked differently, guys would like them. I have been there for several years, I have seen my body go through numerous changes and blamed that on why I am not in a relationship. As girls we are supposed to have hips, boobs, thighs and a tummy. If we don't we have messed up periods, an eating disorder, and mega problems having babies. Which is why we are built with curves so we can have children.

I have been talking with a lot of girls lately and telling them the truth, that they are perfect the way they are. But not a one really believes me. So I tell them to write down all the good things. They tell me there is absolutely nothing. OUCH. Girls feel this way because of the images thrown in our faces and the words coming out of guys mouths. Even though I am feeling more comfortable with who I am, it's an uphill battle. Especially when a lot of my friends are in relationships and we hang out and I am the 3rd or 5th wheel. So I was talking to Ron about how I go in and out of being okay with no being in a relationship. Given it is a lot easier since I really don't fancy anyone in particular. But what I am doing is going through the Bible and finding the characteristics of who I want to be and working on those so I am confident when a relationship comes along. And also so that I can find those same characteristics in a mate.

So I am teaching my small group all about this next week and I am really excited because I think it is really important for girls my age. I just really want to do something more, I want to show every girl on this campus how wonderful and beautiful they are.

a day that i never wanted to come

Today is one of those days where I know what is coming and its something I don't really want to deal with but I am going to have to. It is something that I have had in the back of my mind and I really hoped that it wasn't going to happen. But it is. And that's really just the reality of life, things change and happen and it i something that you can't control. Time doesn't stop , or in the words of Damien Rice, Time is contagious. I just hope it all goes well.

Twiddle My Thumbs

There are often days when I wonder what the heck is going on. Or for that matter why everything happens for a reason or why people function the way that they do. Now approaching the end of my first year is a really great thing because this has been an amazing year. And a really quick one. There are really big things that are occurring and coming up in my life that I am really excited about. There are like wise significant changes coming. However there are things in my life that I continue to feel like I am at the end of my rope. But that feeling comes in and out. I have days that things I feel are really clear while there are days that I feel so confused. Those are the days that I really want God to intervene and be like Hey Emmaleigh here is what is going down. Here is what is coming. But he isn't going to do that. I understand. But I have been praying that I would have become more patient and I have seen the opportunities that God has given me for those things. Yet there are just those days when I say grr and just really want a definate answer. But I feel like there is probably something at my end that I am just not understanding or something that I am just not doing right. I wonder if I am praying right or if I have my words all mixed up and I am asking for all the wrong things. I don't know I just feel really confused and I wish I didn't. But then I guess I should pray about that too. = ) I think one of the most difficult things is that I have had the opportunity to have something that I really enjoyed and now I long for that same feeling back and it's not coming in "my" time frame. God has things planned for me in his time frame because he knows what is coming or what is going. That power is so amazing. Because God is amazing. Everyday there are new beautiful things revealed to me. I wish I could just apply it and keep up. I have noticed as I get older and the factor of time becomes more prevalent your mind starts to work a little differently in the sense of priorities. Oh growing up......

Take Me Away, To Better Days

I don't know the last time I was this stressed. And this has nothing to do with school work. I am applying to be a PA here at SAU and it has given me extreme, stress that EXTREME stress. I have been stressed about it for 3 weeks. Right now the application sits next to me. Filled out. And all I can do is look at it and I feel like I am about to cry. Seriously I usually don't get this stressed and I don't understand why. This is something that I really want but this is something I am really afraid of. I just want to give it all to God because I know that he has the plan taken care of but I am struggling with that. This is something that I really want to do and it is something that I know I would be good at. Plus I feel like this is something God has called me to do. Yet there are SOO many other people applying. And what gets me caught up is that they usually want juniors or seniors even thought I don't think they connect as well with freshman but that is my opinion. I am letting the whole process freak me out and yet at the same time I know these are things that I am good at. I just really don't want to be let down and as cocky as this might sound when it comes to things like this I am not really used to not receiving positions. However what really makes me mad about the whole thing is that there are a lot of people applying just because they didn't get an RA position so they figure if they can't get one they can get the other. And I don't think that is fair to people like me who are working their hardest at this one thing and to have people that have already have to opportunity to try for something try to steal my parade. no way jose. But this whole thing is making it impossible for me to sleep as it is 5 30 sunday morning. Please pray for me. ooh rough week. But Disney World was fantastic.

That Sister Sense

I really need to write my blog more often because a lot can happen in a week but I just can't keep up with it all. This week all I was looking forward to was the fact that I had no classes on friday. So on thursday I woke up to go do some kickboxing and my dad sent me a text message to tell me that my sister came out of surgery just fine. And I felt bad that I had slept through the morning while my sister was having her gull bladder removed. So I got up and went about my day and when it came to my two o'clock class I couldn't stand it anymore. I had thought about the fact that I had no classes on friday and I wasn't planning on going home until saturday morning because we had a floor event on friday then I decided no I am really not going to wait around for this. So I skipped my class packed up and came home. I don't know if you people reading this are close to your siblings are someone in your family there are times when you just know you need to be with them. So I went home and I was right my sister needed me on friday. My mom needed to go back to work and my dad had stuff to get done and there were things that my sister needed help with that my dad just couldn't help her with. I am glad that I was here to help her because really I love to help.

I just can't wait for this week to get done. Then we have spring break. I finally get to see my friend Kelly again whom I haven't seen since chrismas and I only get to see her for a few hours before I leave again. I get to go to Florida for 10 days and have a vacation and I am really looking forward to it. I feel a little guilty because I am not taking a missions trip like several people are but I know I will have more opportunities to do so.

And lastly a prayer request, there are a few things that are coming that are kinda big deals. After Spring Break is all the PA stuff. Pray that God's will will be done in that situation. And I am applying to work at Springhill this summer, pray that everything that is supposed to work out with that will and to give me peace about all of these things.

A Goal I Thought That Was Easy, Is A Challenge

I want to have an all 'A' semester. Not a bad goal. To me, it seemed like I was doing pretty good, only missing like 1 or 2 points or maybe even none on assignments. But that 1 point can change a grade completely when there aren't a lot of points over all. For example in my World Lit class, I do good on the writing assignments and quizzes and that's basically the whole class. Well today I looked at my grade and I have a B+. Not what I want. So I went through the assignments to see what was holding me back. We did a group quiz like three weeks ago and we got 5/10. Those 5 points are keeping me at a B+ instead of A. All of the quizzes that I did on my own I get 100% so I am going to stick to my own brain. Or there are some classes where there is one assignment and that is the whole grade. Next week is midterms and my grades are not where I want them at all. I mean I don't think I have anything lower than a B. But a 'B' is not an 'A'. I have also realized I am very competitive with my friends when it comes to grades. I like to have my piece of the pie, I like to have a subject or area that I can pride myself in and have the higher grade. But all my friends are smarty pants.

One Man with simple words

It's monday, my big bad busy day. After a really long, yet great weekend it is hard just to roll into my mondays. But every week I manage. So my monday's are jam packed with goodness I think. I only have two classes but we have chapel, and I have a 12:15 lunch date with Kim every week, work out time with Heather (haha and now Alex), small group and now I meet with the ever so classy Ron K. So today when I was meeting with Ron I didn't come with anything prepared to talk about, nothing really God like on my mind, we were just chatting. So I talking to Ron about how I am trying to get my stuff together and make my life so God is number one in everything. So I am going on just talking and talking and Ron stops me and says do you think you are impressive? and I said no, because I really don't think that and I thought that he was saying I am a really proud person. But then he went on to say, I think you are a person who is very impressive and you have impressed me. And I thanked him and he said I feel so blessed to be able to get to know you. Even though they were so simple they were so powerful to me. because I see Ron as someone who has great authority and that he feels blessed to talk with me and that he thinks that me just as who I am that I am impressive. It made me feel amazing and gave me such a boost. I love Ron. = )