Therapuddy.... does nothing.

So for the past two or three years my wrists hurt constantly and they crack SO loud...it's nasty. I have a high pain tolerance so I didn't really do anything about it, I guess I just always thought it was normal since all of my bones crack that loud. However, none of the rest of them have the pain or are as frequent as my wrist. So this spring I went to my doctor and played him the lovely sound of my wrists and he looked at me and goes "emm thats not right" and I said "yes doctor perry....I've noticed" So he told me that I needed to get an X-ray so we can see what is going on. I got the X-ray and that didn't show anything so I got an MRI and that didn't show much except the fact that my ligaments and tendons are really weak. So my doctor decided the best thing to do would be to get physical therapy. I just kept thinking seriously what is that going to do because moving them hurts and every activity I did in high used my wrists and that made them strong. So I listened to my doctor seeing that he has gone to medical school and went to physical therapy.

So I went and my physical therapist took all the these measurements and whatever and she just sat there for a second and asked me for the like 4th time, "you don't take any pain medication for this?" and I was like no I just deal with it. And she was like I really don't know how you do it. So she started to explain to me what is going on the cracking she believes is from a little bit of them grinding on one another because there isn't enough ligament support there. Then she told me that this physical therapy really isn't going to do much. And I just sitting there thinking...I was right. She told me we can strengthen the muscles that are in my forearm but besides that there isn't much she could do. So she told me about prolotheraphy where you get injections in your ligaments and the make them bigger so they can support better. And I was like well that is going to hurt a little bit. And she told me out get like 10-15 shots in different spots like 5 times. I was like okay yes, maybe something that can help. Debbie Downer point- its like $100 each time and insurance doesn't cover it at all. So that is like $500 out of pocket. ouch. So my therapist gave me some exercises and a deep tissue massage on my arms. Then I got this stuff called therapuddy which is just silly puddy. But so far...no changes.

What have I gotten myself into?

I have been gone for a week to SpringHill and now I am already back at home. To get to this end result I think I have to back to a week ago when it all began. I left last friday afternoon to head up north for a week of all staff training at SpringHill camps so I could be a counselor for the summer. On my drive up I just continued to get more and more nervous about everything that was going on, it really felt like it was the first day of college again for me. I got up there and everyone was going crazy excited and I got through the whole registration process and went up to Copper Country, my part of camp where I was going to be staying. I am not going to lie when my mom left the homesickness started to set in, I was alone with people I didn't know in the forest. And the rest of that night really sucked because I felt so alone. As the week continued we got deeper and deeper into material and we all definitely got deeper and deeper into our relationships with God. However I am still struggling. I have learned so much in the past 7 days that I am completely overwhelmed. There are SO SO SO many details to the job. Not only sticking to your schedule, not losing campers, making sure everyone eats, looking for abuse, knowing where ever shelter area is, what sound means what, what games to play, who needs medication, how to deal with a "dead squirrel", oh and don't forget that you need to give these children so much love and the great news about God and help them every step of the way. It is seriously intense and it is all for the springhill experience. I seriously got so intimidated and weak and had pretty much decided that if after 2 weeks I just couldn't do it I was going to quit I just couldn't handle it. On top of that finding out that my brother would be married on the 20th and I wouldn't be able to attend really made me want to live. OH don't forget the Tornado that hit our camp and took down half our forest and cause MAJOR problems. But mid way through the week our camp director told us that we only have 70% of the campers coming so some people were needed at the other divisions of camp and some people where going to go home. So i came home, their burden was my blessing. But I just don't know if I want or am supposed to go back I need major guidance this week.

What a week, but why?

Obviously I made it home from Europe, and whenever I get back I am always really cranky because I don't like the fact that I had to leave. England is my favorite place that I have been to thus far. What I really like about it is that there are definitely differences from here and there but there are also so many similarities, and don't forget we speak the same language. That earns a gold star. This trip was very different from the other times I was there I only went into London for a day and the rest of my trip was in small English towns west of London. I may have liked that even more than London. It was such a blessing to be there again. When I am there I have no stress and I wake up every morning with a smile for the pure satisfaction of just being happy where I am. I always wonder why God has sent me the places he has. So far I still haven't been able to figure out why I have gone to Europe 3 times and why I have such a great passion for it. While I was there I really started to question this and asked God to show me why he has sent me there. God gives us specific desires, and likes and being there is definitely one of them. One of the reason I know I was there was the opportunity to spend time with my aunt, another was to learn more because I love to learn about history and there is no way you can escape history while you are there. But I just kept thinking while I was there that I just hate the fact that I never know when I am going to go back and the truth is that I want to be there all the time.

So that got my brain going with what I am planning to do with my life or where God wants me to go. I started thinking about teaching, and it is an excellent and amazing profession but I just kept thinking about the truth of it. When you become a teacher you life just sort of settles. You are in one spot for quite sometime and you fit into the mold that is built for you. I am really not sure that is what I want, well right now. I really can't imagine just settling when I am 22 and being okay with it. I don't feel okay with the thought that I won't be able to travel and explore and expand in the ways that I want. So I am praying that God show me the right path and will help me in being able to do what is right for me and be in the right place and use my gifts.

All in all my short trip was great. You can see all my pictures from my trip on facebook. :-)

Birthday and a window seat

Well my birthday is complete. Just another day in the year that has gone past and will surely come again next year. It was really cool I guess just to hear from everyone. I am almost positive if there was no facebook, no one would have remembered it was actually my birthday but that is alright. It was really funny too because everyone I knew from high school just wrote me something on my facebook wall, while everyone from Spring Arbor made a point to call me. Oh the differences in friendships. It was a good birthday overall, Ash and I played WAY too much guitar hero and for a short time we paused and I got my tennis lesson from the #1 player at MSU (woohoo) that actually was really fun. Cool birthday all in all just not what I have been used to in the past.
So along with all the birthday madness I left for London last night. It seems it's not easy for me to get to where I need to in a timely manner. We hit 275 going to the airport and the had closed it down completely on one side of the high way and we had sat there for almost and hour and waited to get through. Then went through Livonia and a lot of surface streets to get there. Luckily my plane was 15 minutes late and NO ONE was in Detroit. So I got through everything really fast, had enough time to use the bathroom then headed over to Philly. I thought I was going to have my hour lay over but boy was I wrong. I had to switch terminals and they don't make that easy to do there, there is no underground system or anything to connect them so you have to take a bus. And I had to go from F to A. That alone took a good 10 minutes. So they let me off at A1 and my gate was A26...the last gate. And I was thinking that it wouldn't be that far. Boy was I wrong. I was at gate A16ish when they called the final boarding call for my flight. I ran and ran and ran and was like the last person on the plane. It was a close call but I made it. And thankfully no one was sitting next to me so I was able to stretch out and sleep. But I think one of the coolest things, well two were that when we were coming into Philly there was a baseball game going on and you could see it perfectly and that was awesome. Then as we were flying to London I looked out the window and all around me was stars and the water below. It was really really cool.

365 days of 18 complete

So obviously tomorrow is my birthday. Every year, the night before my birthday I try to take some time to reflect on the past year. I usually write it down, see all of the changes, and I usually go outside to see the splendors of God. I thought, since the blog is enabled I would write down the year here. So here I go
*Became an adult
*Had 25 of my friends go to a midnight movie and skip school
*Graduated High School
*Went up north with friends
*Spent a summer doing nothing
*patched up bad relationships
*moved away
*made new friends
*shared a room with someone else for the first time
*shared a bathroom with someone else for the first time
*sprained my foot when I fell of a light post in my rain boots
*went to cedar bend
*learned how to jump my van
*had my wisdom teeth removed
*was dorothy in front of my entire student body
*became a BAMF (according to alex)
*survived a tornado
*visited MSU several times
*told Chad Henne to "suck it"
*my brother came home from Iraq = )
*Had a giant picture of myself in the mall
*taught Muff 1 how to really dance
* fell down the library stairs and felt the pain
*went snowmobiling for the first time
*switched roomates
*met captain jack sparrow <3
*said a lot of goodbyes
*found out what i really means to say goodbye
*found out how it feels when you run out of money
*was a penpal to a 2nd grader
*had several children think i was a mom at JATA
*became a PA
*let my roomate cut my hair
*spent the night at the baseball stadium...with m&m
*moved back home
*gained a sister-in-law
*started knowing God on a whole new level
*had a sweet year.

Woah, lets grow up!

So my birthday is this Sunday. (woohoo). I will be the whopping 19 which is just one of those birthday's that isn't really special. Every birthday should have it's own little sparkle but, 19, 17,15,26 you know the birthdays where it's not like wow now you a re an adult, now you can buy alcohol just another year gone by. But as I have noticed my birthday approaching it's not like it used to be. I am not as excited. I mean, I know it's coming but it's not like when I was younger and I just wanted that day to come and to open presents early, I know where my presents sit at this very moment and if I really wanted to know I could go look, but that would take away the magic of my birthday. Along with this loosing the umph of my birthday is the fact that I am not in school, so it's not like something is happening at school like in high school, I am not having a get together due to one of my gifts, and I'm not at college where I would have gone out and done something. It is just an at home, with my family birthday nothing big like I am used to. I mean come on, last year I had 25 people go to a midnight movie, all say happy birthday at midnight, then it was senior skip day, and I got a Wii and brand new iPod. Talk about one heck of a birthday. But this one actually does put last year to shame a little bit. Good old Aunt Faith. My mom gave her my birthday list by request and joking around I wrote on my list trip to Europe. Lucky me, that's what Aunt Faith picked. So the day after my birthday I leave Detroit Michigan, have a quick stop in Philly and then straight into heathrow. I get to spend the week in London again. Talk about being blessed. On a whim I get to go back to my favorite city. 3 years in a row I have been able to go to Europe, tell me how many middle class girls get to do that. God blesses me in extraordinary ways, maybe not what I would expect. I guess I expect God to bless me on a regular, what my mind could fathom level. But my God doesn't do that, he blesses me in ways I thought to be impossible.

Cleaned Out....Finally.

Over the past few days I have been working on cleaning out my stuff that is here at home, and my stuff at school so I have what I need for the summer and fall all set. Besides the literal cleaning out if my "stuff" today I took the liberty to clean out my emotional "stuff". The past couple of days have been interesting because I have had ample time to think, and it is somewhat annoying because your brain goes kinda crazy. I have been really upset, and really happy all at the same time. There is stuff that I am still struggling with and I hope that things will change as I embark the summer. But along with all of that stuff today I went to put new memories into my memory box, and I noticed my box was sort of full. So I went through it to realize that most of that box is filled with memories of my past relationship. My ex and I had been talking earlier this school year and we were working on just having a civil friendship and getting past our past. However, a little while ago all contact was cut of at his end with no explanation and I was just sort of like....okay. So I was praying about it and I just kept thinking you know this person was in my life at a certain time for a certain reason and now that time is past, so now is the time that I need to move past it. So today I literally threw away this person. I am not going to lie-it was an amazing feeling. After pain and brokenness for a few years I knew that I was totally fine with getting rid of all of it. So I ripped, shredded, and cut up everything. I filled the trash can in my room. (look at the picture) doing that, along with taking this person off of my phone, my instant message, and just being gone has helped so much. I am so glad it is all gone so I can go on with other things.